This is why kids are stupid these days. They don't have toys like these.

You'll never be alone...

Everything about this is right. Especially the how he lists the flavors out in such detail.

The sneezing one and the hypnotic one are my favorite. And how that karate kid is totally slapping that kid to the ground.

Plastic? Why would you ever want a plastic pillow. And I really like their suggestions of what to do with them: You can bang em AND toss em! Can't you do that with most things?

TWO kids can fit in there! I love the missiles and how those kids are toootally stoked to have this nuclear weapon at their disposal.

  

Dude, straight up these ads are classy and hilarious. I would play with any and all of these products. I actually calculated (not me personally, the computer) the approximate inflation difference between these prices and what they would be nowadays. The $6.98 would be about 82 bucks today. But hey, SO worth it to have a nuclear sub to call your own. Oh by the way, it shoots torpedoes, AND nuclear missiles, devastating any enemy that dares to come across your path! So watch out for that little girl driving a tank down your street-- totally me.
If kids still played with these toys, everything would be right in the world. More tanks! Less Fur Real Petzzz! More super heros! Less Deigos! Its a nuclear sub revolution man.